The Other Side

A waiter is talking to a customer at their table in the restaurant, and says to him: ‘Sir, the chef’s special dish of the day is Calf Tongue, pan-roasted in a beautiful red wine sauce. it’s delicious’.
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It will inevitably not be the last thing to be heard on the issue, but here is an alternative viewpoint of health and nutrition, based on the large number of medical research papers that have been contradicting themselves over and over again.

Japanese people consume a small amount of fat, and have less heart attacks than Brits or Americans.

French people consume a high amount of fat, and have fewer heart attacks than Brits or Americans.

Going back to the Japanese again, they drink a small amount of red wine, and have less heart attacks than Brits or Americans.

Italian people drink a high amount of red wine, sometimes to excess, and have fewer heart attacks than Brits or Americans.

So what does this all mean?

You can eat and drink whatever you want.  It seems that speaking English is the thing that kills you.

Whenever you are using bathroom scales, there are some basic rules that must be followed.  The rules are as follows:

1)  Make sure that the scales are laying on a thick woolly rug or carpet.

2)  With a firm grip on the towel rack, sink or shower rail (or any mixture of these simultaneously) then proceed to slowly release the weight of your body on to the weighing scales.

3)  Ensure that the placement of the needle is 100% accurate, by carefully tweaking the small dial on your scales, turning it gently to the left hand side. (Zero is a such a wide number, it should be treated accordingly).

4)  DANGER: Keep clear of electronic, digital weighing scales.  You cannot adjust them like in Rule 3, which renders them inaccurate and obselete.

5)  Stop checking your weight so often! Each time you get on the scales it will pull the small springs and levers inside, and will eventually compress them flat.  So if you haven’t put on any weight at all, the weighing scale readout will say that you are gaining a little more weight every single time.